James 4:17 Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.
I have been convicted many, many times over of something "good" that I was to do, and yet I have been ignoring it, running away from it, pretending that I was exempt from this, etc. I was in a rebellious denial that there was "good" to be done, and I avoided it ... and according to this verse, I was sinning.
Over the years, I have prayed about it, cried about it, attempted to do the good that I was supposed to do, but I think in the back of my head, I still thought that God would understand all my excuses and that He would forgive my blatant sin, without any change on my part.
In the last few weeks, God has been working on me, though. He's been tenderly asking me to listen to Him and to "do good" and free myself from this burden that I've heaped upon my heart. When I heard His voice this time, I wanted to run away again. I didn't want to face this because it brought back too many painful memories and too many situations of unforgiveness on my part. I wanted life to be perfect and rosy, and if I listened to God this time, then He would try to make me change and am just too depleted emotionally to deal with this right now, so I thought.
Thank God, He has greater plans for me! A few weeks ago I was at a breaking point with this. I was so tired of carrying this burden, but didn't know what to do next. All my past attempts at doing "good" had failed, and only more hurt and rebelliousness and unforgiveness grew, and grew out of control. I had begged God many times in the past for help, but it was always with the condition that * I * still be allowed to be in control and call the shots. This time was different. This time when I begged God for direction, He gave it to me! Within moments of asking God to send someone my way that I could 'confess my faults to, one to another, and pray for one another so that I could be healed', an e-mail popped up from a friend who asked me how to pray specifically for me. I knew this was my answer!
I immediately met with my friend and for the first time ever, confessed this sin of not doing good out loud. Sure, I had confessed it to God many, many times, but when I heard the words of my pride and rebellion pouring out of my lips, I was stunned! I could immediately feel the healing begin, because I had taken the first step toward restoration with God. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
It didn't end there, though. Satan immediately bombards God's children when he knows that he no longer has control, and trust me! He started working extra hard to mess with my mind and my heart in order to stop me from doing "good". This past Sunday in church, the message was about facing our fears. Dan so lovingly encouraged us to face our fears and be courageous in doing what was right, despite our fears of failure or success, and the responsibilities that would go along with that. I realized that my sin...my lack of doing good...was because I was terribly afraid of further damaging relationships of those close to me. I thought that by doing nothing, I was protecting those relationships, when in reality, it was building more walls. God was challenging me like never before to face those fears, do "good" and stop sinning!!
More confession was needed because more soul searching and repentance was occuring deep inside. I faced my fears, thanks to Dan's gentle encouragement and exhortation in Sunday's sermon, and I met again with my friend where more deep-rooted confessions poured out and prayers were prayed. The effectual, fervant prayers of a righteous man/woman availeth MUCH, because I walked away from that time together feeling as free as I felt when I had first given my life to the Lord twenty-seven years ago!! What an amazing feeling! I am not 100% where God wants me to be yet, but I do know that He has forgiven me and that with His help, I can finally do "good" without all my conditions and restrictions and pride and rebellion attached.
I know this post was long and pretty vague, but really, this post today is for me and not my readers. I need to put this down in writing so that in the future when I doubt that God has forgiven me and think that I cannot do "good" anymore, I will have this testimony to remind me. Freedom from sin, whether gross and blatant or small and seemingly insignificant, is a blessing that cannot be equalled. I want to encourage you, if you are facing a sin in your life of any magnitude, get rid of it. Confess it , pray with someone about it and be healed!
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5 comments:
Praise God. He is so good.
THis kind of reminds me of a co-worker/neighbor who annoys me so much! Karla once told me "she just wants a friend" and so I've been treating her like one. What a difference. The annoying things don't seem as important anymore. In fact, today she locked her keys in her car, so after work, I brought her home to get her other key and took her back to get her car. That voice still echos "she just needs a friend."
Thank you, Lord, for those reminders to do what's right.
Oh, Mar, I believe your experience has helped many people. Me included. I had an issue last week where God told me all my prayers for a certain situation/people were in vain. I was praying MY willand NOT HIS WILL. Once I let Him lead my prayers, I saw lives change in front of my own eyes! God is so good and patient with us. And I just praise Him that He loved me enough to put up with me for so long then blessed me so much when I finally yielded to His way and not mine.
You may have posted this for you, but God used it for me, too. Thanks for the openness and honesty - it was a tremendous encouragement to me, and I can completely relate with what you talked about!!
I can totally relate also! Your words are just what I need to hear!
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