Personalities

I always wondered how early personalities would show up in children. I (ignorantly) figured that until they were school age, they wouldn't really have much of a noticeable personality, but boy, was I wrong! And then I also used to think that people's personalities turned out the way they did because of the way they were raised. That thinking caught me off-guard because after Stephen was born and I compared my son to other children (wrong thing to do!!!), I started thinking that I was a lousy mother. Stephen was loud, couldn't sit still in church, so distracted at home, etc, etc. I really thought I just didn't know how to parent. Then Timothy came along. Timothy is quiet, sits through a whole church service, sticks to his tasks, etc, etc. We were about at our wits' end with some of Stephen's behaviours when someone let me borrow the book, You Can't Make Me (but I can be persuaded) by Cynthia Tobias. A lightbulb went on in our heads! Stephen is simply a strong-willed or "spirited" child! He reacts differently than Fred or I do to things, and that's why we were struggling to understand where he was coming from!

This book, a must-read if you think you have a strong-willed child, opened our eyes to the fact that Stephen is an extrovert that gets his energy from being around people. Timothy is an introvert who gets his energy from being alone. They both have moments when they can play together well, and moments when they play alone without being bored. Stephen LOVES to be with people. He doesn't always successfully interact with them because he also likes to be in charge all the time (translate: bossy), but he does best when he is around other people. Timothy, on the other hand, can take playing in public for only so long before we find him hiding in the basement playing quietly by himself. Once Stephen has had his "people dosage", he is ready to play alone again and can keep himself entertained for awhile. And Timothy, once he has recharged by playing alone for awhile, can come back upstairs and interact and play without getting stressed out. What a relief to find out how these boys work! Now when I see there's agitation going on between them, I send Timothy off by himself somewhere and I spend some one-on-one time with Stephen so that both of them can get themselves pulled back together again. I'm not such a bad mother after all! Ha. Ha.

I also used to think I was a bad mother because I couldn't get Timothy to sleep at night when he was a baby. He would scream and scream and sleep fitfully for only an hour or two at a time and then it would start all over again. Stephen was not like this. He was a scheduled baby (you know, first born - had to do everything by the book, did exactly what the nurses told me to do, etc.) so I thought that I was doing something wrong with Timothy. Then along came Christopher. I didn't have time to reread any books or brush up on what I thought I was supposed to do with him. I just took care of him. Well, guess what?! From two months on, Christopher was sleeping through the night without ANY help from me! Wow! Once again I realized that I'm not a failure at motherhood just because I couldn't get my child to sleep at night. IT'S ALL ABOUT GOD-GIVEN PERSONALITY AND INDIVIDUALITY!

Now don't start emailing me all your philosophies on child-rearing and the benefits of reading sound, Christian books or telling me how children ARE shaped by their parents and the upbringing that they receive. My point here is simply that children DO have real personalities that show themselves at very early ages and some of their behaviours and actions and attitudes are a result of the way GOD made them, and not how Fred or I parented them! I'm so thankful that God is aware of all of this, otherwise I would never have confidence as a mother!

Each one of our boys is unique and the blends of their personalities is what brings life into this house. Now our job is to keep observing them and praying about how we can use their strengths to steer them to the path of righteousness and encourage their weakness to become strengths! I can't wait to see what kind of young men they will become some day!