Matthew 18:2-5 {2} And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them, {3} And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. {4} Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
The other night these verses swarmed in my head, unrelenting like a mass of mosquitos that won't leave you alone. Fred was away at a meeting and I was on my own to get the boys ready for bed and eventually IN bed for the night. We were doing fine, following through our nightly routine of snacks, pajamas, Bible stories, teeth brushing, etc., but then something snapped. Christopher decided to start an unusual screaming fit, Timothy was throwing the biggest tantrum a two year old can throw, and Stephen decided he was going to do the exact opposite of whatever I asked him to do (why did I teach him the concept of opposites recently?!). Well, I hit the breaking point when Timothy, already in bed, was screaming so loud that he sounded like he was ready to throw up. I went into his room and verbally let him have it! I know that I should have acted with more control, but at that point there didn't seem to be any left. I blasted him for his behaviour, ran into our room and just screamed to God, "What in the world is going on here tonight?! We're out of control!"
I poured my heart out as quickly as I could just so that I could regain my composure, and also because I didn't hear Timothy anymore and I was getting worried. I decided that I needed to go in and apologize to him for my behaviour and ask him to forgive his mommy for screaming in his face when all he wanted was to have his socks put back on his little feet. I didn't really want to humble myself and apologize to a 2 1/2 year old child, but I knew I needed to. I walked into his darkened room, bent down to whisper my apologies, and saw that his eyes were closed and he had already drifted off to sleep. Oh, my heart sank! I didn't even get to show him that I loved him and that I didn't want him to hear my screaming as the last words before he fell asleep!! I knelt by his bed and told him anyway and asked him to forgive me. He didn't respond. He was already asleep. This is where these verses started to haunt me: be converted (that means change my ways!!!), become as little children (simple and innocent), and humble myself as a little child (get out of my I'm-the-mommy-I-have-the-right-to-scream thinking).
The rest of the night I kept thinking about how Timothy heard his mommy screaming at him as the last words before falling asleep. Would he remember it in the morning? Would he remember it for the rest of his life?! Oh, the wonders of childlikeness! In the morning, not only did he not remember it, but he was happy to see me and give me a hug and tell me that he loved me, as if nothing had happened the night before! I want to be like Timothy: childlike and forgiving. Before I can do that, though, I need humility. It amazes me that these guys can forgive me so quickly for my words and actions that can hurt them deeply. Oh, I want to be like them!
Lord, help me to be childlike and forgiving when I am hurt by other people's words and actions! Help me to love them back immediately and have a clean slate each time I see them! Help me also to maintain control when I'm frustrated with my children so that they hear words of love before they fall asleep instead of screaming. That's what I love about You! I hear words of love and affection instead of accusation and frustration before I fall asleep. Help me to be childlike ... and Christlike at the same time! Thank you for humility, forgiveness and childlikeness!
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