Ups and Downs of Emotions

Today is a very bittersweet day for me. My emotions are so twisted around I just don't even know what to think anymore. Today was supposed to be a day of rejoicing and excitement as we would be experiencing our first day of worship in our new church building! We had talked about it for months and weeks and finally days! The boys have been praying and thanking Jesus for the workers who were building the church. We were talking each other through the day: where we would play in the babyroom during Bible Class, where the boys would be singing before Sunday School, where their new classes would be, where Daddy and Mommy and Christopher would be in the new sanctuary, etc. They even talked about where we would park the van and go to the bathroom! They were that excited! We ALL were!

But then this morning, I read an e-mail from Mom. "Hi all, Donna just called and said when she got there this AM that Grandpa had passed away.We're on our way now.Talk to you later.Love Mom" What?! Did I read that right?! Grandpa?! But Grandpa was a piller! Grandpa was constant! Grandpa was solid! Grandpa was always there as the support for our family. He was gone?! I was just getting ready to call Mom's cell phone when she called here and we just cried together. All of us knew that Grandpa would be lonely without Grandma, but I think that we all kind of hoped he could stay here a bit longer. After Fred let me cry on him this morning, we sat down with the boys who were watching this whole scene unfold. We talked about how much we'll miss Grandpa, but now he was with Jesus, right where he wanted to be! We assured the boys that our tears were also happy tears because we were excited for Grandpa, although we were sad to think we wouldn't be able to talk to him or see him anymore.

As I was sitting in our new and beautiful sanctuary this morning singing "Thank Ye The Lord", I let my emotions take over. Everyone else in that huge sanctuary was singing their thanks to the Lord for what He's given us in a new church building, but I had to think about how thankful I was that Grandpa now had his greatest desire fulfilled - to be in the presence of the Lord! We had talked about the construction of the new church and he talked to me about what it was like to build the church in Norton. We had a connection there. And now here I was sitting in our brand new church, and I couldn't even tell Grandpa what it was like. That's ok. I'm sure he's listening and even participating in an even greater congregation of those washed by the blood of the Lamb! His place of worship is even more beautiful and breathtaking than what we can imagine!

Someone asked me today what I would miss most about my grandpa. To all my siblings and cousins, this is for your benefit. :) I answered that I would miss his "finger." I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. Surely I couldn't have been the only one who experienced "the finger" on top of the head for misbehaving in church! Grandpa had a finger caught in a corn shucker when he was a child. He lost the tip of his finger and it eventually became a nice, hard disciplining tool when a misbehaving child needed a good thunk on the head. I haven't felt that thunk for probably 35 years, but trust me! When you got that finger on your head, it was a hard thing to forget!

Yes, I will miss Grandpa terribly. To whom will I be able to ask all my gardening questions?! With whom can I share my dismay at having to pay hard earned money for tasteless peppers or corn on the cob from a store when I know that Grandpa had had bounty to share with everyone? Who will share with us the stories of those whose lives he touched in simple, but real ways? Several people told me today that they will always remember him for his down-to-earth sermons and his ability to preach as if he were sitting next to them having a one-on-one conversation. Someone else also commented that Grandpa must have been very obedient in his childhood for God to bless him with such a long life. I don't know what he was like as a child, and I think he was probably selective in what he shared with us (ha ha), but yes. Giving his life to the Lord in his youth had blessed him with many years!

So my heart has gone up and down all day today. I'm sad that the familiarity of our old church building is now a thing of the past, but I'm thrilled that Grandpa's familiarity with this world is over! I'm so happy to be worshipping in a new church building, but I'm sad that my grandpa will no longer be here on earth. Wow. Emotions can really throw you for a loop, but that's why we need to rely on the facts! Grandpa is now worshipping in HIS new sanctuary! The one in front of the Lamb of God, Himself! You've got it better than us, Grandpa! Praise God in HIS sanctuary, Hallelujah, AMEN!

(Unfortunately, tonight I am not able to add any pictures to this entry for some reason. Please see my sister, Liz's entry for a beautiful picture of Grandpa!)