We are not alone

Tonight Fred and I experienced something new as parents. I don't even know how to really put it into words, so bear with me.

We went to Claudia and Matthias' house for supper tonight. The cousins loved playing together and we enjoyed visiting with each other. The weather cooled down so much and we decided to go outside and let the kids play while the evening was still pleasant and young. We were all down by the playset/sandbox area for quite some time when I realized that Timothy was not around. We looked all around the area, but didn't see him. Fred commented that he would go inside to see if he was still in there because we thought he had just been right there with us and maybe he went back in for something.

It took Fred awhile to come back out and Claudia mentioned that all must be well or Fred would have come back in a hurry. Unfortunately, it was quite the contrary. When he came back out, he had Timothy with him and he told us what he had found when he went inside. Fred had entered the house and started calling Timothy's name, but there was no answer, so he continued through their long house calling for Timothy. (Here's where my heart is squeezed and I am finding it difficult to write.) He said that Timothy came out of the living room in an obvious panic attack. He was gasping for air and he couldn't even get out the name, "Daddy" because he couldn't breathe, he was so obviously shaken. He just ran to Fred and sobbed and sobbed, gasping for air and clinging so tightly to him.

Timothy had been playing by himself in the playroom when the rest of us went outside some twenty minutes earlier. He didn't realize that everyone had left, and at some point, must have noticed that it was quiet and everyone was gone. He must have gone from room to room on the main level of the house looking for anyone, but there was no one there! By the time Fred came in, he had been crying and panicking much longer than any little two-and-a-half year old boy should ever cry or panic! When Fred brought him out to me, I scooped him up and held him tight and he sobbed and gasped for air all over again! Oh, that just pained and still pains me! I could hardly put him down because I wanted to erase all those memories that he had just made! It brought a flashback of one Sunday morning when I was somewhere between 6 and 8 and I was upstairs getting some new things to put in my purse for church and the whole family left without me. I ran downstairs to see the van pull out of the driveway and I didn't know how to unlock the door and run after it. I stood next to the door in the front room crying and crying until finally someone must have noticed and they came back for me. I thought those memories were gone, but seeing Timothy in this state brought them all back.

My prayer for my baby tonight is that God would be gracious enough to erase all those memories that might be in his mind of being left alone in a big house all by himself, not knowing where anyone was. I don't want him to be haunted by those flashbacks when he would go to visit his cousins again. I don't want him to remember those awful feelings of abandonment.

God, please, somehow in his little heart and mind, remind him that even when he is alone, YOU will never leave him nor forsake him!! Thank you for not abandoning him ... or any of us!